Loneliness
Without company.
that’s a natural way to view loneliness.
Isolated soul.
that’s an uncanny way to view loneliness.
Loneliness can be a result of many things: being misunderstood, brooding in tragic experiences, waiting endlessly for a relationship, moving to a new place, seeming unsettled emotionally, etc.
So much loneliness stems from filling up on soul-ish fluff. It does for me. I’ve had moments or seasons of feeling lonely, even in the company of loved ones. From an outside perspective, it wouldn’t make sense, and I think it's because if I’m looking to be satisfied under the wrong motive, then my result is phony companionship. That’s not because my company is vain, it’s because my soul is unwelcoming.
Like most people, I like to cover up loneliness by staying occupied. I don’t want to take a breath in fear I’ll have to confront something in the exhalation. Spending my time in futile activities deepens my loneliness, never cures it.
The Bible says multiple times that Jesus “went to a lonely place” (Matthew 14:13; Mark 1:35; Luke 4:42—all NLT). I’ve never read it followed up with “so he could feel all his feelings” or “so he could burry his issues down deep.” What typically follows it is “where he prayed” or “to get some rest” (Mark 1:35 & Mark 6:31—both NLT).
I have to correct myself when my initial response to loneliness is to isolate myself with activities that profit me nothing. A healthy response to loneliness is to spend time in prayer or rest. Restless thoughts consume me and convince me I’m alone when I’m really not.
What’s your response to loneliness?
(sensitive topic ahead)
On another side of loneliness, there is withdrawal. Where there is withdrawal, there is sadness. (I find this to be true even for sake of healing an emotional wound in private). I’m not going to sit here and write the endless reasons for community; I think most people are aware of that notion.
Although, someone I do want to recognize is Tamar. The scriptures record that Tamar was raped by her half-brother, Amnon, under the guidance of his “friend” who gave him a precise plan to take advantage of her. Tamar was a virgin who refused and said these words before it happened: “I could never get rid of my shame!” (2 Samuel 13:13a NCV)
With his physical strength, Amnon forced Tamar to have sex. He hated her immediately following the act and had her removed from the room, bolting the door shut. Tamar “went away, crying loudly” (2 Samuel 13:19b NCV). Her brother, Absalom, found out and years later got his brutal revenge after his silent hatred.
What I want to acknowledge is that the Bible says, “So Tamar lived in her brother Absalom’s house and was sad and lonely” (2 Samuel 13:20b NCV). This type of loneliness is different. It stems from a place of shame, a place of trauma. None of which were Tamar’s fault. She had to suffer in misery and live with the memory.
Caring for this kind of loneliness does not beget an overnight cure. There is quiet pain—a wound that scabs numerous times over and leaves a scar. Jesus is the only one that can tenderly love us, heal us, and give us new memories.
He provides a perfect love that gently extracts shame from our identity. We may find ourselves in a place of loneliness and sadness, but my prayer is that it won’t last forever, that will be joy in the morning—whenever that morning may be.
5 Verse Study
Turn to me and have mercy on me, because I am lonely and hurting.
Psalm 25:16 NCV
God makes a home for the lonely; He leads the prisoners into prosperity, Only the stubborn and rebellious dwell in a parched land.
Psalm 68:6 AMP
Early the next morning, while it was still dark, Jesus woke and left the house. He went to a lonely place, where he prayed.
Mark 1:35 NCV
There’s more to sex than mere skin on skin. Sex is as much spiritual mystery as physical fact. As written in Scripture, “The two become one.” Since we want to become spiritually one with the Master, we must not pursue the kind of sex that avoids commitment and intimacy, leaving us more lonely than ever—the kind of sex that can never “become one.” There is a sense in which sexual sins are different from all others. In sexual sin we violate the sacredness of our own bodies, these bodies that were made for God-given and God-modeled love, for “becoming one” with another. Or didn’t you realize that your body is a sacred place, the place of the Holy Spirit? Don’t you see that you can’t live however you please, squandering what God paid such a high price for? The physical part of you is not some piece of property belonging to the spiritual part of you. God owns the whole works. So let people see God in and through your body.
1 Corinthians 6:16-20 MSG
Now the Lord God said, It is not good (sufficient, satisfactory) that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper (suitable, adapted, complementary) for him.
Genesis 2:18 AMPC